Ask Lemmy

I bumped into a friend who is cop in the British Transport Police at a station while he was working. While I was there somehow a happy-drunk guy fell between a train and the platform and got stuck. That's not the crazy part.

The crazy part is the four separate people who all ended up getting arrested because they attacked my friend and the other responders trying to free the stuck man - physically kicking and trying to drag them away - because he/they wouldn't order the train to leave the station and it was making them late. Four separate people, all apparently sober, all absolute psychopaths who would happily see someone mangled by a train so they wouldn't be inconvenienced, and so utterly convinced of their righteousness that they were prepared to physically attack police officers and paramedics.

I was later told this is pretty normal when there's a "one under": aside from the person who fell getting injured or dying, the biggest immediate problem is a handful of narcissistic cunts who interpret the whole thing as some kind of personal insult. It really shook me that anyone could be like that.

i had a dude walk up to me and say "never just take unsolicited advice"

possibly the best advice i ever got. total mindfuck though

The one that stands out is someone on a call in a packed bus who started shouting "I didn't tell no one you got raped in prison!" into the phone repeatedly.

They made themselves a liar. Felt bad for whoever was on the other side of the line.

Idk if this counts as crazy but one day a guy went up to me and said "hey I'm about to smoke meth. Its probably going to smell so you can change seats if you want to." And then I did and that was basically it.

Guy getting mad at the conductor for calling him sir because only a priest can be called that.......

I’ve been on a bus that drove into an active flood.

That was pretty exciting watching everyone jump on their seat to avoid the water.

I was sat opposite a woman who had a grocery bag filled to the brim with crisps packets, or so it seemed. She started out just munching on crisps, mouth fully open, shoving her hands in there. She emptied two packs in between two stops (metro). Efficient.

When she had enough she started rumaging frantically through her bag for a solid 20 seconds, and then triumphantly dug out a can of whipped cream (squirty cream format for my UK friends), opened it, and just emptied the whole thing in her mouth in one go!

It was in France, of all fucking places.

Would have been 2003/04, waiting for the bus to college. Dude who looked like a farmer with a huge beard asked "is this the stop for town." I said yes, sat down, didn't think anything of it. Few minutes later I noticed his bag was moving. No idea what the hell was in it.

I watched a guy chug a bottle of orange Listerine, ramble incoherently for ten minutes, then proceed to have uncontrollable diarrhea all over the seat before getting off the train.

The tram I was on with my dad and little sister struck a woman, she had an umbrella open so she didn't see the tram (it was a sunny summer day). It cracked her head open and I'll never forget that sound. The driver panicked and only opened the front door of the tram, right where the woman was laying on the ground, so we were forced to walk out of the tram and jump over the pool of blood gushing from her head. My dad tried to make us not look but I saw the hole in her head, and her brain. I was 10 and my sister 8.
She died on the way to the hospital.
And I just realised I now live in the apartment building right by the tram tracks where it happened, haven't thought about that memory for a long time.

Once an old guy asked me to hold the door for him when the train stops so he can stand up and get out. I did but he took very long to stand up so I instinctively went to help him, the door closed and the train went on. So we both excited at the next stop and wanted to get the train back. It was the worst possible stop because the walk was crazy long and the old guy crazy slow. Me being way too helpful, I walked with him and he told me about how his family never visits him anymore and all kinds of trouble in his life, while one train after the other passed by. Eventually we arrived on the other side, got back to the original stop and exited. I escorted him to a taxi. He was very thankful for the adventure and I was a few hours late to work.

A very intoxicated man explained at length to my friend and me that we should stay in school instead of dropping out to join the military like he did. He wasn't wrong.

I watched a lady bring a small dead bird in a ziploc onto the Metro in Montreal and then proceed to pluck its feathers onto the floor.

and we aren't talking about your game hen or a quail here or something. I'm lalking about a fucking sparrow or something like that.

Back when I was a teenager, some old hippie went on an entirely unprompted rant about not killing flies to me and my friends for what seemed like the entirety of our 30 minute bus ride. He said killing harmful bugs is necessary but flies are just looking for nitrogen so don't kill them.

I took the Bart in San Francisco every day for a decade, definitely saw some things. Saw a guy take a shit between the cars. Saw someone flip off the rails and kick someone in the head.

The one I remember the most was during a busy morning commute, I had my headphones on and I see this older guy pushing through people to follow this younger woman. She kept moving up and down the train to get away from him. After seeing this a few times, I stepped in front of him and told him "I don't know what's going on, but she clearly doesn't want to be near you, so you gotta leave her alone". He snapped at me screaming that it was his daughter and I need to stay the fuck out of their family situation. Myself and a few others blocked him, and he got off at the next stop. When I asked the woman if she was okay, she said she had no relation to the guy and had never seen him. Scary stuff all around. Im assuming he was mentally ill and had some previous drama about losing his daughter, and something triggered in his brain when he saw that woman. I thought for sure I was gonna get stabbed that day, and if the train wasn't so crowded I think things would've ended a lot differently.

Some random novice nun recognized that I am an IT guy so she asked me whether it is really possible that it was God who made her computer crash while she was writing her homework essay about some saint that she was obsessed about.

Someone sprayed ME with a bottle of water. I was on my phone, and when i looked up this old lady was spraying water over her shoulder without looking and hit me directly in the face! When i asked what she was doing she walked over to me saying someone had cursed her, and her reflection in the window was facing the wrong way so she decided to spray "holy water" over her shoulder.

Thankfully after getting a COVID test done (this was in 2021 mind you) it was in fact just water.

One of the first times I took the path train (it's a light rail in NJ/NYC. Basically another subway line). I sit down, and an older guy in a suit sits down next to me. He's got like a box in a plastic bag in his lap. No big deal.

This was in like 2002. He didn't have a cell phone or earphones. Just sitting quietly, waiting for the train to leave.

He started to giggle. Little chuckles. And then escalated to full laughs. It rises and rises until he's like cackling. And then he calms down, reverses all the way through giggles and back to silence. Never said a word.

I don't know what was in the box. I didn't ask. I assume he just got away with a killer heist.

Someone planing out a snuff and CNC porno shoot with some woman threw the phone that is being shot in a former ww2 bunker with nazi uniforms and BD dildos