Ask Lemmy

It's just the culture you grew up in but it makes no sense to me not addressing someone by their name and instead rank them by seniority.

I'm portuguese. Family is very important for us, even more than for italians, I risk.

Two generations back, no child would dare address a parent as such. It would always be "sir" or "madam". And the same would happen for any older people. It was enforced through religion and socially because we were under a dictatorship that wanted to "elevate" the country, so social status and ranking had to be constantly displayed and reinforced. Being a father or a mother was a function, in the name of god and for the advancement of the state and country.

Poor, humble, people could not care. Children were treasures by themselves and being mother or father is a previliege only few deserve. Being addressed as such was precious. It made their petty lives meaningful. And when the dictatorship was toppled, that notion pushed out the "proper", religion fed, state supported, socially enforced, status quo.

Children nowadays address parents in the second ("you") person, the same for grand parents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts or any relative. Mother and father carry belonging and closeness. A family title implies care for the other, a bond that crosses generations, that binds people together. Blood truly runs thicker than water, here.

If a relative gets our formal second person, added to their family title, that immediatly signals that person is not a close relative nor a person we are at ease with. If a relative gets an added "Sir" or "Madam" it's implied the family tie is recognized but nor trust or closeness are granted and the other person will have to earn it.

This also bleeds to social interactions. If introduced to someone, most will stick to the more neutral formal second person. It can easily evade titles and passes as polite but only out of courtesy, as we have no previous connection towards the other. The informal second person can be earned between work colleagues or someone we interact on a daily basis. If the formal second person is enforced, that is distancing being put between people and that denounces they don't get along. Demanding a title is close to stating two individuals only deal with eachother by necessity.

However, it is considered polite to address someone by their professional title, especially in health related context.

Back to family.

A family is only as strong as the individuals that make it up. My children address me as father and that is an honor and privilige they grant me. But my name in their mouth is their recognition of my individuality and the same is true in reverse. I do not admit to anyone demand from my children an addressing by "Sir" or "Madam" without giving them the same deference. And if I refuse formality and insist being addressed by name is because I want to be recognized by who I am. It saddens me to hear close relatives and people that work and collaborate on a daily basis hide behind titles or enforce artificial social distance. We all rely on each other. In a broad sense, we are all related.

I did. My parents were hippies and thought it was weird to call people anything other than their names. So they never tried to get me to call them anything but their names. At one point in maybe jr high I tried goingbwithbmom and dad but it didn't take.

I know someone that calls his parents by their names, and I've asked him why. He never has a reason other than it's a habit.

If i didn't know any better I'd think he disliked them.

My daughter likes to call me by my first name because she thinks it's hilarious

I don't call my parents by their first names. Neither do my siblings.

My kids also use "mom" and "dad", and we also use "mom" or "dad" when referring to each other parent to the kids.

My wife would call her dad by his first name, but only when she was calling him out for being goofy. In response to a dad joke, for example.

Personally, I don't consider it a nickname. More like a title that I've earned. It's like calling someone "doctor". If my kids used my first name, I'd probably give them a raised eyebrow in response.

Am American. I have always called my dad by his name (as far as I can remember), but not my mom. I don't know why. On reflecting over the years, I can only theorize that I must have heard my mom calling him by name, but he's not really someone to call out to others by name. So I think I just learned to refer to him by his name and it's always felt 'right' since.

His mother actually got angry at me over it when I was little. It's (unfortunately) the strongest memory I have of that grandmother. It made me feel really bad and confused. I only stopped around her, though. No one else seems to have cared that I call him by his name to this day. He has never commented, and his sister and my mom have only ever seemed bemused by it.

No, my kids call me mom and yes I'd think it kinda rude if they first named me.

But

My step-kids call me by my first name, and my kids call my husband by his first name, and that is fine with both of us somehow.

When kids are small here, they usually call adults Mr. or Ms. First Name. Older kids to teachers Mr. or Ms. Last Name, but my kids friends who are older still called me Ms. First Name. Not much Sir and Ma'am anymore but I still hear it sometimes.

It was "Mom" and "Dad".

The one time I called my Mom by her first name was when we worked at a nursery/garden center together. A customer asked me a question and my Mom was close by working on something and I didn't want to call her "Mom" in front of the customer.

It was one of the most awkward things I've ever done. My Mom ended up not caring, she understood.

My step-parent has always been referred to by their first name. I was like 9 when they got married so.. it just felt better than the alternatives.

My mother was always either mom or mother, I prefer mother now. She died in my early 20s, so I can’t discuss all my neglect-based trauma and get closure, and I deal with that by using the colder, less affectionate moniker.

My sperm donor (father) never really made an effort to be in my life so I don’t refer to him as anything most of the time. Doesn’t come up.

As for extended family, I don’t have much experience there either but my grandmother was nana, and my aunts and uncles are all title followed by first name, so uncle bob, aunt Cindy, that sort of thing. Cousins get dicy, because some of my cousins are my parent’s age. Anything iffy is just first names.

I did it when i was younger. I said momname sometimes and dadname always. But when i had a child and he started to talk I said the titels like he would call them. Somehow now he is 15 and i stil use the titels.

(USA, Los Angeles)

Now that you mention it, I call my parents Mom and Dad (unless they really need to listen), but my kids call me by my first name. I just thought it was a generational thing, who cares.

No, I find it disrespectful