DeathByBigSad

joined 5 months ago
sorted by: new top controversial old
[Trigger Warning: Suicide]... Parents, how would you feel if your child died by suicide? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 hours ago

I'm just trying to find a explanation that "hey maybe deep-down they love me" and use that as a reason live. Like idk how to explain it... feeling loved such a powerful motivator to live.

Like the sadder they'd feel, the more likely I'd appreciate living.

I don't wanna die, but like I really wanna like visit an alternate timeline where the alternate-me does die of suicide, and like I wanna see my parents reaction... Like I know I probably sound sadistic af, but that's not what I meant, I just want to have the "proof" that they care, so with this knowledge, I can finally purge the thoughts of suicide away from my brain... know what I'm sayin'?

18
How much does your parents understand you vs how much do you understand your parents? If you have children: How much do you understand your children, do you think they understand you? (sh.itjust.works)
 

I mean like, actually understand beyond just exchanging a few words a day. Like knowing hobbies, favorite foods, political opinions, favorite tv/movie/youtube channels/music/genre of entertainment, etc... overall likes and dislikes... you know what I mean...

As to why I'm asking: I feel like my family is just a bunch of strangers sometimes...

I feel like nobody really understands me.

China to cover all out-of-pocket childbirth expenses in c/world@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 6 points 11 hours ago

lived under an authoritarian regime

I mean... isn't that just most of history tbh?

Most people aren't antinatalists lol

China to cover all out-of-pocket childbirth expenses in c/world@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 hours ago

https://archive.ph/L9Jd0

They removed the fines, so it's a decriminalization, which is practically just legalizing having as many kids as you want.

China to cover all out-of-pocket childbirth expenses in c/world@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works -2 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Average Lemmy White Gwailou has a warped worldview on China

Why are there so many Christmas songs, yet hardly any New Year's ones? in c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 3 points 15 hours ago

A compilation of like bunch of Cantonese songs that adds up to over an hour long: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZkPjt_Ug6s

You asked for it, now you're required to add this to your playlist, and you must play this during lunar new years xD

Now my fellow cultists: go spread the Cantonese language 😁

Anyways... My Wall of Text story... kinda off on a tangent from this question...

I'll be honest, I kinda hate holiday songs...

I recognize some of these new year songs...

reminds me of being over at relatives house, like big family gathering, in NYC, adults just talking and cousins playing with their phome or Nintendo DS or whatever, and I just sit there bored. And the whole 紅包 "Red Envelope" thing is a sham, you don't get to keep the money, parents always just tell you to give it to them to "hold on to it". I sometimes just refuse to accept the 紅包, and just said "just give it to mom" like bluntly (I wasn't supposed to do that)... like wtf is this show of "giving 紅包" for lol. Is the gods watching? And so I was always there alone. Not alone, but my older brother was there but he speaks Taishanese and talks to the older relatives and idk he kinda just "fits in", I mostly keep to myself and don't like talking to anyone. I felt kinda unwelcomed. My aunts (dad's sisters) talk to me, but I always felt kinda the vibe is weird. They're form Hong Kong and kinda talk to me in a weird combination of Canto-glish (mix of Cantonese and English) like a Hong Konger... so it felt so weird lol... like I just had trust issues... acts wayyy tol friendly, felt kinda insincere, or maybe just too extroverted and I felt like I need room to breathe as an introvert. The aunt's kids, my cousins, I feel like they hate me or something... They are all just ABCs ("American-Born Chinese", it's a slang term) and I feel like we never connected... like language barriers sort of, they barely speak Cantonese... One of the cousins even bullied me when I first got here.

It took a while before English became my primary language, and by that time, the first impressions were already set and the awkwardness and alienation is alreay stored in memory forever...

And now we don't live in the same city anymore... so its forever, can't be friends due to first impression. Those kids think they're so superior with their birthright citizenship and learned English earlier from the start. Heh, I speak more languages than they do, bunch of bullies and losers.

So yea... holiday songs are forever ruined.

As for x-mas songs, I barely had any "friends" in school... so yeah... holiday songs reminded me of lonliness.

I remember once during like the afterschool program, I had sensory issues and like the music annoyed me so much, like it hurts my ears, so loud. So I went and turned it off (I was like 8 or 9 years old okay). Bitch white-lady karen teacher got pissed at me and marked me as misbehaving on the stupid behavior chart... so I got banned from the next school trip... fucking bitch. Also its afterschool, why does the behavior chart even apply outside school hours?

So yea... what a childhood... such a foreign place...

[Trigger Warning: Suicide]... Parents, how would you feel if your child died by suicide? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 3 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

It's a permanent record. Makes it much harder to emigrate.

Member of far-right AfD party charged with making Nazi salute at Reichstag in c/world@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 3 points 19 hours ago

It's called Defensive Democracy

[Trigger Warning: Suicide]... Parents, how would you feel if your child died by suicide? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 3 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (3 children)

Its a very weird love-hate relationship.

Right now she tells me she loves me. (which according to the internet, is apparantly uncommon for Chinese parents?)

But if I mention suicidal feelings, oh shit that is like nuclear war.

So I just don't talk about it anymore.

That's the thing, its so taboo to talk about, society expects you to hide it.

If you talk to people about it, they will distance themselves from you and not wanna be your friend. Of if they are already your "friend", you're gonna be a burden, like emotionally, and so they would distamce themself from you, probably.

So these topics really just get buried and hidden away to some dark corner of the internet, here.

How often do you use AI? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 7 points 21 hours ago

it's sam altman's alts lolol

[Trigger Warning: Suicide]... Parents, how would you feel if your child died by suicide? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 6 points 22 hours ago (9 children)

I post the dark thoughts online so I can clear my mind of those thoughts, to "process" those thoughts.

I mean I wouldn't dare say this to a therapist, I'd get involuntarily committed, which would just make me even more depressed.

Last time I asked this question to my mom, she got mad at me.

[Trigger Warning: Suicide]... Parents, how would you feel if your child died by suicide? in c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 day ago

More like asking the internet because this feels like it's inappropriate to ask to my mother.

Is it a bad idea to learn Russian because of everything? in c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago

I mean, I get it.

I used to hate Mandarin a lot because of my government, kinda hated Cantonese too because of my parents and their conservative culture

But I realized they don't own the language, fuck governments, language is a weapon, and I can wield it to advance my goals.

Make anti-government content using the very language they use as an official language, wield the language as a sword. Use it to attack the corrupt governments.

3
How young do you have to be to get kidnapped and never realizing that you were kidnapped? (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
7 comments fedilink
 

I'm just wondering like... suppose if my parents weren't my real parents, and were actually my kidnappers, how young would that have to have happened?

I have very vague memories of like going to Hong Kong as a kid... and like... suppose I got kidnapped there, would I even have remembered?

How old do you actually remember the faces of your real parents? Can a set of imposter parents manage to trick you? Like somehow brainwash you to forget the kidnapping ever happened? And that you were always their child?

I read about like kidnapping stories where the kid just grow up normally in their adoptive family and apparantly never remember they got kidnapped? What?

(Just curious, definitely not paranoia... xD)

10
When a parent's primary/preferred language differs from their child(ren)'s primary/preferred language, who should have the most "obligation" to learn more of the other's preferred language? (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
10 comments fedilink
 

As in casual conversation stuff...

My mom wants to talk to me, but my lexicon in my native language is not very vast lmao

92
People who don't have much friends: Do you think you would've have a better social life if the internet didn't exist? (sh.itjust.works)
12
Do you ever feel like your life is "scripted"? Like everything is written by some entity controlling your life? Like you live in a fictional universe? Is this feeling normal/common? (sh.itjust.works)
 

Sorry I don't mean to sounds like I have main character syndrome, that's not my intent.

110
Is anyone else noticing this weird trend of brand new accounts posting memes and comics and stuff, does not engage in comments, get upvoted to front page, then banned? (sh.itjust.works)
 

Just me?

1
lemmy.world down... (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works to c/memes@sopuli.xyz
0 comments fedilink
 

Fediverse is great, I can post stuff here now as it's down. xD

Edit: damn, they're already back up this quick

Here was the archive: https://archive.ph/RAZ5Q

1
What's this ram price surge thing going on in the memes? Is this gonna affect pre-builts, laptops, tablets, phones, and other electronics? (sh.itjust.works)
79
Do people actually call their parents by their name (as in First-name basis)? Have you ever done that? Or witnessed someone doing that? (sh.itjust.works)
 

Just curious. Because I think it's very "rude" in the Chinese Culture where I grew up in, to use the real names of people older than you. You have to address them by relationship like "father/dad" or "older brother" or "oldest aunt" "2nd aunt" "3rd aunt" (ordered by who was born first). Like I don't think you are supposed to say Aunt [Name] or Uncle [Name]. Names are never used, only the relationship.

I'm under the impression that some Westerners, particularly Americans, apparantly are on first-name basis with parents... like either because they are very close, or very distant... is that really a thing irl, or is that just the media? I think I saw TV/Movie scenes where the kids (or maybe adult children) called their parent by their first names.

1
Where do you post a meme if its only half-political? c/memes or c/political memes? (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
0 comments fedilink
 

cuz I feel like its not political enough to be an actual political meme

1
Why do some Americans "feel ashamed" for being American even when it's not their fault? (sh.itjust.works)
 

For Context: I'm Chinese American, and I do not feel "ashamed" for my heritage, neither do I feel "ashamed" for being a US Citizen.

The CCP is not my fault. I do not feel any shame of saying I'm from China.

Similarly, the trump admin is not my fault, I voted Harris. I do not feel any shame for being American.

So what is the thought process of people feeling shame/guilt?

1
Do you feel sad about the fact that you'll probably die within 100 years (or less) and you (well... that's most of us tbh) can't do much to leave a significant positive legacy? (sh.itjust.works)
view more: next ›