this post was submitted on 17 Dec 2025
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For context, I (23M) live in the United States. In Ohio. A bit concerned about privacy because of the whole Nazi problem and the fact that I live in an abusive household.

I've been working on myself a lot recently and realized that I can't do this alone anymore (or rely on Internet strangers to talk about my issues). I feel like I finally have the strength to ask for help in the real world. I've just never done this before. What's it like? Is it warm and fuzzy, or cold and analytical? (Does it feel like someone is providing care and comfort, or is it more like an emotionally detached scientist meticulously studying you and scribbling down notes while mumbling "Hmm, I see, I see" while you yap at them?) Do you start to see results right away, or are things slow at first? How much stuff is recorded in a database that other systems can look up?

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[–] A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 36 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Generally speaking, it's a conversation with someone who's capable of guiding you to better choices and responses. How "warm and cuddly" that is depends on the therapist. Trying different therapists until you find someone youre truly comfortable with is part of it all.

How quickly it "starts to work" is entirely dependent on a) How honest you are, b) how open you are to outside perspectives, and c) how much baggage you've got to unpack.

As an adult, you should be fully protected by doctor-patient confidentiality and HIPAA unless youre threatening yourself or others. There are very clear benchmarks for that, but ymmv depending on location. Im not from Ohio so 🤷‍♂️

If youre on the queer or autistic/adhd spectrums, try to find someone who specializes in that. They'll know how to help you without putting you at risk.

And ALWAYS avoid free counselors. Theyre usually tied to religious charities and will steer you toward their perspectives, or put you at risk for being queer etc. Just stay away. It's like any other trade, if theyre worth it, pay them.

[–] ccunning@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Is what you’re describing CBT or…? There are so many kinds of therapy, every time I get to the “which one do I need” stage my anxiety takes over and I just have to shut the whole project down and it sits on the back burner for another set of months.

I had this issue and I got over it by searching for people who specialize in ADHD and didn’t worry about the type of therapy they offered. Most of them are trained in different types of therapy and will help you find what works for you. Don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions. Also remember don’t feel guilty if their type of therapy doesn’t work for you. They can handle you leaving because the relationship isn’t working for you and most good therapists will even recommend colleagues. I put this on the back burner for a long time, but it changed my life more than the meds did once I started.

Idk im not a therapist, sorry =/

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Well...if you have anxiety, CBT is supposed to be the primary therapy modality for that lol.

What specific issue are you looking to address? If you figure that out, you can find out which therapy modalities are shown to work best for it.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

How quickly it "starts to work" is entirely dependent on a) How honest you are, b) how open you are to outside perspectives, and c) how much baggage you've got to unpack.

More caveats to this...other things I've found...

  1. If you don't know what specific issue you need to work on, it may not even "work" at all. You'll need to introspect and research and /or even seek others' input if you don't know already.
  2. A lot of therapist I've come across, especially in online organizations, seem keen on using unstructured talk therapy. It can be great for basic validation, but not if you have more significant and complex issues. If you know your specific issue, it might help to research what kind of therapy modality works best for it. Then, look for therapists who use said modality and who have treated said condition.

I learned these things the hard way.

[–] Vengefu1Tuna@lemmy.zip 1 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

I think your first point isn't an issue with a really good therapist, but I've had therapists who needed that level of detail from me. With my current one, I told him the symptoms I have that I want to go away and he's been tackling it from all sides so we can find the issues together (and it's working well). I do agree with your second point, but many therapists advertise the things they specialize in like anxiety, identity issues, sexual issues, etc. I went based off this and found who I needed without much issue.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

Glad it's working for you! I'm seeing two therapists concurrently right now ("cheating" on my old therapist with a side hustle lmao) until the end of the year because I've met my deductible. Then I'm gonna figure out who I want to drop.

I have appreciated my old therapist for getting me through a crisis, but I've just stagnated and don't feel like I'm getting enough direction and guidance and specific things to help me. Her therapy style is more "big picture" and generalized if that makes sense, without giving me a lot of specific techniques to help me.

My work has threatened to fire me if I can't get my shit together so I really want to make more progress.

The new one wants me to work through an extensive DBT workbook over time that gives very specific techniques to use. Then each session we kind of talk about my week and go over what I think worked and didn't work in the book. Her input is not overly substantial, but I do like how the book can give me more direct techniques and potentially more progress idk.

So I'm considering dropping my old therapist but I feel some type of way about it.

Idk sorry you probably don't care about me blabbering on lol.