No Stupid Questions

Since I'm the privileged default of male at birth and comfortable being a man, I don't have to be made to feel my gender too often.

Women and femmes get catcalled and harassed. I never have. Women get told to shut up subtly or not, and get their work stolen by men. I don't. Enbys non-conforming people might get forced into the Man Box and asked "what are you?" I don't get those questions. So I just get to go about my day not getting my gender shoved in my face.

That said, I'm fairly uncomfortable in highly-masculine situations. Like bros hanging out smelling like shit talking about cars and barbecue and tits. I like a lot of man-coded stuff though, like lifting weights and blasting heavy metal. I also like "softer" stuff like birdwatching and fashion (tho mostly men's fashion).

From what I've gathered, neither of us are unusual in not 'feeling' gender. I'm trans (shocker!) and felt dysphoria with my physical body, and biochemical dysphoria in the form of depression, until I transitioned, but I wouldn't say that's really anything to do with gender. In a world without gender, I would still transition because it makes me feel more comfortable, and that would have absolutely nothing to do with gender roles, stereotypes, or labels.

I wanted to die until I got tits. Also growing tits sounded like a good way to not want to die, which I hear is a thought process rare in men.

no feeling like other people have

Most people don't really have much of a feeling there either. You just are. If you are cool with who you are, then there is nothing to worry about.

Don't overthink it.

Never felt anything other than male. Fully support trans people though even though I don’t really understand. I’ve never met trans people

I'm an old cis/het dude, and while I've occasionally fantasized about being a woman, it was entirely out of fascination with something else - not identity. I don't necessarily 'feel' male, but being female is incomprehensible to me.

Compare that with a dear family friend. When they were about 13, they announced that they were nonbinary; and two years later, decided they were transmasculine.

What was their trigger?

While presenting as nonbinary, they naturally got mistaken for either male or female. They realized that being mistaken for male was totally cool, but being mistaken for female hurt terribly. They identified with being male, and being female (their AGAB) felt abhorrent and wrong.

So if you don't have some part of your brain screaming "NO NO NO!!!" at you, you're likely an average, 21st century cis person whose ability to access infinite porn has dulled your sexuality a bit.

So don't worry too much.

I believe societal expectations of masculinity and femininity have become distorted over time. Conforming to these rigid categories will just lead to sadness.

If you’re a woman who enjoys tinkering with electronics, go for it. If you’re a man who feels comfortable expressing your emotions, do so. Why not explore both while you’re at it?

In matters like these, it’s perfectly fine to disregard cultural norms and follow your own path. There’s no reason to conform to societal expectations that contradict your true self. You don’t need to identify with any specific gender; simply be a human and engage in human activities.

I think gender has become another “tribe” that people naturally gravitate towards and identify with. It seems quite human to desire such social groupings. Thousands of years ago, your family and literal tribe fulfilled this role. Today, we seek similar social connections through other means.

With my mouth

You can only feel what it feels like to be you, and since you've only ever been yourself you have no point of comparison.

I don't think gender feels like anything. I am trans, I have been both a man and a woman and in my experience they don't feel different. In this moment I feel like myself, just as I did a decade ago.

The things that have changed is that I no longer suffer from a crippling depression with an unclear cause. I have a range of emotions, and can feel emotions correctly. I consider my body to be part of myself.

All the above are now clearly signs of gender dysphoria, but at the time were hard to identify. The depression always has a more plausible explanation. The other two, I barely noticed I had because I experienced that my entire life.

It took me a very long time to discover that I am trans. It took a lot of self reflection to figure it out. Feelings were useless. I did think I would be happier as a woman, but that always seemed more of a logical deduction than a feeling.

I don't know if this helps but I do very much enjoy being female -bodied, like I loved being pregnant and nursing, love having sex, I enjoy the body I am in. I don't think much about any mental or emotional aspect to being a woman, don't feel particularly feminine or anything like that.

But I suspect if I had been born in a male body, I would feel "off" and wish for a female one.

I'm trans, and to be honest I don't have a good answer for this question. I have no idea what it feels like to feel a gender, but I do know that some of the things I did experience made me feel very much not like the gender I was assigned. I felt incongruous with my body, and confused with how people viewed me. I later learned that's called dysphoria.

When I saw a speech language pathologist to learn how to talk in a way that wasn't grating to my ears, she explicitly told me we didn't need to work on mannerisms or behavior. I still have no idea what she saw, but I don't act any different than I did when I was a guy. I just get a lot less flak and odd reactions for it.

I don't know what it feels like to feel a woman any more than I knew what it felt like to be a man though. I just know it fits, if that makes sense.

In my opinion, it's a bit of a misnomer, where "feel gender" really means "experiencing joy through gender expression in ways that are not typical of your AGAB". For instance, a person AFAB may "feel gender" by shaving their head, or a person AMAB may "feel gender" by wearing skirts and feminine cosmetics (blush, mascara, etc.)

Myself as a cis male don't particularly feel a major 'need' to associate with the stereotypical guy things, and enjoy plenty of things historically associated with women. That said though I feel my more native strengths are things attached to men.

Why makes for a gender though seems much more tied to society and the expectations of each, and are really a fluid thing that changes as we go along in the world.

I don't feel some gender either, but my agab has always felt off, like ill-fitting clothes. Also due to the cultural/societal expectations and limitations instilled during upbringing, which made me further reject the idea of 'being' my agab.

I've come to think that if I had been assigned the opposite gender, maybe I would have felt it equally ill-fitting.

A few years ago I came across the concept of agender and it resonated. It took off pressure of the need for there to be something, where there is nothing, and it's ok.

I simply accepted my AGAB

you are cisgender.

I realized that I don’t feel any connection to this gender

this experience lies on a spectrum. for example, genderqueer folks have had their expression scrutinized and oppressed, so gender identity is more of an issue they think about than the average person. basically, you don't have to exist with a sense of fulfilment or pride to be comfortable as the gender you've been assigned. you not having any incongruence implies your comfort level being seen by society as the gender you present.

I just don’t care about gender.

i want to ask if you are certain of this, because simply not possessing any feelings positive or negative about your gender doesn't mean you'd be fine if you woke up as the opposite or something in-between. i'm generalizing here, but genuinely think of how you'd feel if you transformed into the opposite gender while retaining who you are right now. all of your beliefs, passions, interests, social expectations, public perception, and many, many other things are impacted by gender. not in a direct way for some but a guy interested in childhood education or a woman choosing not to have kids would both face questions and assumptions because of their gender. you would also be forced to see your body and yourself differently because others would treat you as the new gender you are now presenting as. still don't care?

I honestly feel very similar. The closest I can kinda understand is like a guy at birth wanting to wear a skirt, in which case I say go rock that skirt. Or maybe a girl at birth wanting to feel accepted in certain male dominated activities in which case it's a problem with those activities and not the girl.

I'm a guy at birth, I guess I identify as a guy but it's meh. If I was misgendered at most I would make a overly dramatic joke but it wouldn't effect my physiologicaly.

I'm cisgender, and I've actually done the necessary introspection to investigate myself and think about how I prefer to express myself in terms of gender, regardless of any artificial limitations. I have gradually integrated that into my sense of self. I'm quite comfortable in my own skin, and what could be more sublime? Though sometimes I think I might prefer to have a second penis.

Ask her nicely then softly cup from underneath

Do you ever identify with any gender stereotypes?