I think that you ignore an important part of the picture when you ignore perceptions of you as part of your identity.

But I'd argue that allowing those perceptions to shape your identity, to any extent, is equivalent to forfeiting part of who you are to them, and allowing others to define you. That seems really unhealthy to me.

Have you seen the Clayton Biggsby sketch on the Chappelle show with the blind black white supremacist? He had no knowledge of being black, but I think most people would still argue that it formed a major part of his identity regardless of his own concept of himself.

I have, and yeah, I guess I just don't see it that way. His identity ironically clashed with his biology, but it doesn't make sense to me that an aspect of yourself you have literally no knowledge of can be considering part of your "identity".

Maybe I just see the concept of "identity" as borne of, and residing fully in, one's own consciousness.