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I've had some moments where my teen was so fucked up mentally that in my very private thoughts I kinda suspected that they might do it. And in that very stressful situation, in my very private thougts, I would've understood that decision.
But if they actually had done it, all that fog would've cleared immediately and it would have sucked more than anything could suck.
edit I sure hope you're not thinking with a single atom in your body of doing it to spite your parents.
I'm just trying to find a explanation that "hey maybe deep-down they love me" and use that as a reason live. Like idk how to explain it... feeling loved such a powerful motivator to live.
Like the sadder they'd feel, the more likely I'd appreciate living.
I don't wanna die, but like I really wanna like visit an alternate timeline where the alternate-me does die of suicide, and like I wanna see my parents reaction... Like I know I probably sound sadistic af, but that's not what I meant, I just want to have the "proof" that they care, so with this knowledge, I can finally purge the thoughts of suicide away from my brain... know what I'm sayin'?