dingus

Thank you!

Glad it's working for you! I'm seeing two therapists concurrently right now ("cheating" on my old therapist with a side hustle lmao) until the end of the year because I've met my deductible. Then I'm gonna figure out who I want to drop.

I have appreciated my old therapist for getting me through a crisis, but I've just stagnated and don't feel like I'm getting enough direction and guidance and specific things to help me. Her therapy style is more "big picture" and generalized if that makes sense, without giving me a lot of specific techniques to help me.

My work has threatened to fire me if I can't get my shit together so I really want to make more progress.

The new one wants me to work through an extensive DBT workbook over time that gives very specific techniques to use. Then each session we kind of talk about my week and go over what I think worked and didn't work in the book. Her input is not overly substantial, but I do like how the book can give me more direct techniques and potentially more progress idk.

So I'm considering dropping my old therapist but I feel some type of way about it.

Idk sorry you probably don't care about me blabbering on lol.

Well...if you have anxiety, CBT is supposed to be the primary therapy modality for that lol.

What specific issue are you looking to address? If you figure that out, you can find out which therapy modalities are shown to work best for it.

How quickly it "starts to work" is entirely dependent on a) How honest you are, b) how open you are to outside perspectives, and c) how much baggage you've got to unpack.

More caveats to this...other things I've found...

1. If you don't know what specific issue you need to work on, it may not even "work" at all. You'll need to introspect and research and /or even seek others' input if you don't know already.
2. A lot of therapist I've come across, especially in online organizations, seem keen on using unstructured talk therapy. It can be great for basic validation, but not if you have more significant and complex issues. If you know your specific issue, it might help to research what kind of therapy modality works best for it. Then, look for therapists who use said modality and who have treated said condition.

I learned these things the hard way.

I have started and stopped therapy a zillion times before. People would always tell me "go to therapy". It's kind of insulting, honestly, as if it was some magic cure all way to dismiss me.

What I've found is that therapy doesn't help if you don't have a specific enough problem to work on!! So people would always tell me "go to therapy" and I couldn't figure out wtf I was supposed to work on there so the therapists didn't focus on anything helpful either.

BUT I feel like I've just finally discovered a specific thing I want to work on after years and years of this back and forth BS. So I researched a therapist that is said to use a specific therapy modality to treat my specific problem. We'll see how it goes with her.

ALSO...it has been frustrating to me, but I've found that most therapists I've come across are just simply "talk therapists". There is no real goal other than giving you validation and some general advice and vague concepts and techniques. This can be great for people...but for me it just hasn't been helpful enough. It just doesn't give me solid enough direction. But maybe a talk therapist is what you need...who knows?

I realize these don't answer your questions directly, but I figured I'd share what I learned to hope if might help you. Best of luck.

Damn I'm really sorry to hear you don't like it. :(

What did you do beforehand if you don't mind me asking?

My mom was a stay at home parent for all of my life. In her early 50s, she ended up going to college in order to become a nurse. Been over 10 years now and she's still a nurse.

I would say it's only ever really too late if you're beyond working age or nearly there. Because at that point you're no longer working toward a career.

The real issue is whether or not you have finances and a support system to get you there.

In my mom's case, she had a husband who already was the only breadwinner anyway, so it didn't cause much of a financial impact per se. My mom ended up taking out student loans like everyone else, of course, but student loans are seen much more favorably than credit card debt.

I have a friend who is going back to college right now in order to get a better job. In their scenario, their parent let them move back in while they get an education.

I ended up eventually going to an intensive grad school where many of us had to move and we also did not have time to work during the program. There, I met plenty of people who already married, already had careers, etc...and yet they still managed to survive and get through the program just fine. (Again, remember we all took out loans lol.)

Then you hear online about med students having children while going through med school and residency. Sounds like hell, but they manage to do it.

But also, the career you seek should be worth it. Don't go back to school to do one of those dumb "ingegrative studies" degree or whichever one they call it when you couldn't pick a major lmao. Won't net you anything.

Similarly, it wouldn't make sense someone in their 50s to attempt to go to med school. The return on investment is just not there for the amount of effort and loan debt if you consider how many working years you have left. Yet, as I said, it was worth it for my mom to become a nurse because she never worked before and it allowed her to be able to earn a living wage sooner and with less debt. The return on investment for her was greater.

Point is, I don't think it's a matter of "too late", but rather a matter of...

1. Life circumstances
2. The specific career you are working towards

Why should they have to be? Legitimately curious as to your answer, OP.

Have you never had anyone bully you or others at work? I'm glad to hear it, man, but we aren't all that lucky. My coworkers handle it better than me, but I'm also picked on a bit more than them.

This is the first time the bully at work also happens to be my supervisor. I have been able to handle workplace bullies in the past by interacting with them minimally, but I can't do that when it involves my supervisor.

It is not super common, but it's common enough that my friend takes notice. The issue is that I occasionally explode at work which is not good for my job security. Generally if someone is being mean to me or my fellow coworkers I get upset. My supervisor is also a huge bitch who is rude and mean to everyone and I have a hard time dealing with her at times. Most of the times I am able to shut up, but sometimes I get upset with people like that and I react inappropriately.