One time, I had to have IV antibiotics for a dental infection, which meant having to be at the hospital for like a half hour every four hours, which sucked. After a couple days of this, praying to get switched to tablets, a doc finally saw me.
He walks into the room where I was waiting and the first thing he said was, "so, how about we try oral?", and I was like, "slow down, doc, I just met you." ๐
Swear to god, it did mot register whatsoever that I had made a joke. He responded like I had said slow down the switch to oral medication! I guess maybe he could have just been embarrassed and was trying to duck the moment, but idk. I thought it was a solid joke.
Drugs, honestly, but I strongly caution against that route.
I feel you though; I really do have no one, and I literally mean no one, to talk to. I was in a long term relationship until recently, and because I let him become my whole world, now that he's gone I have no one in my life at all.
I'm also on permanent disability due to lyme disease, and have to get all my groceries delivered because its too hard for me a lot of the time to go get them myself. Thus, literal weeks often go by without me having a reason to step outside, or talk to another human.
I'm sure my neighbours in the adjacent suites think im a psychopath for talking to my cat like she's a person every day, but if I didn't I might forget how to talk, lol.
So, how do I cope, when its not drugs (though it's usually drugs)? Well, I don't really, but because I believe so strongly in my version of the theory of quantum immortality, I feel I can't kill myself because anything I'd try, I'd survive. I'd be guaranteed to just end up with brain damage or a worse physical disability or something if I get any more serious with my suicide attempts. Essentially, it's only for that I have no choice but to go on, that I go.
Oh, fun fact- this recent ex of mine, we were broken up over Christmas last year too, so I'm going on my second year of a zero human contact Christmas.
In the words of Aesop Rock, Jesus Christ my life is dismal.