Ask Lemmy

I dated around until I was so heartbroken and fed up, I took an intentional full year off. I focused on my friendships and family. I stuck my toe back in when I was 32.

Met my forever love on plenty of fish in 2019. I thought he was super nerdy, our first conversations were just about his cat. I had actually just became an accidental owner of my first kitty myself, so we chatted about our kitties and metal music that first day. He never was crude, he never sexted at me, he never pushed himself physically at me, he was just sweet

After about four weeks of texting all day everyday we met up. We went for a walk, and I was comfortable enough to go back to his place where we smoked weed and we talked for 6 hours. We then hung out after he got off work, and my kid went to sleep, 3-4 times a week. We'd hug goodbye and those hugs reset my soul. After about three weeks of that, he texted me after he left my house on night, "I wish I kissed you". And next time I saw him we did. He still never pushed for sex. I really loved this after years of being treated like an object. After hanging out for about six weeks we went on a weekend getaway near by to the shore, became officially a couple and made love the first time.

The rest is history. I met him online, we're both introverted af and idk. He said he was ready to quit the app before I messaged him. He said, "oh lord who is this girl?". He also never (still doesn't) want childrenm he took a gamble with me because we got along so well. And so, we clicked. He's my favorite asshole :)

I always remained optimistic when looking for a partner, always open to new ideas. But it was clear my partner was the type who respected women, and like I said, after years trying to find the man I thought I wanted, I found the one I needed. I had always wished I could tale the best part of my exes and sew em up into the perfect man, well, he is just that. All the best parts. He is my bestest of best friends, and I'll cherish him until I die. He really saved my life and gave my young son and I, a real family. This matters to me more than anything. I just giggle sometimes remembering I nearly wrote him off, nearly, for being such a goober that first chat, and I'm so glad I didn't. I even love his flaws, or what he perceives as flaws, I love them, I love him.

Optimism really was what kept me going. Plus, I'm a catch ;)

I don't know how much the online dating scene has changed the last few years, but I wish I could tell people it's okay if you haven't found your partner in life yet. I know folks who didn't meet thier partners until they were 40, I know fresh divorced 29 year olds. Like, don't rush, let it come and gather patience, if you can, inside your heart.