this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2025
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Yikes, that's a long time to be stuck in what sounds like an abusive family dynamic. I'm so sorry.
I'm guessing you've looked into any possible alternative routes to an ID?
I have not looked into that, if there are other ways of getting an ID that are legal, I might try them.
Yeah, you should. What country are you in?
I live in the US. I actually checked online for what my state requires to get an ID and I don't think it's possible for me to do without my parents. The only things I have access to are my SSN and possibly my birth certificate but I would need to provide several additional documents that I either don't have access to or have no idea how to provide them. It also seems like there isn't a way to get one online unless you've previously gotten one, which I obviously haven't.
So you're in your 20's, in the states, and have never had a bank account?
I won't make assumptions about how that happened. I'm Canadian so I don't know how helpful this will be since our regulations are a bit different, but have you tried just walking into a bank with everything you have and explaining the situation? If they can't set up an account they should at least be able to point you in the right direction.
In Canada we can get a driver's learner permit with minimal ID. Birth certificate, SSN and proof of address should be enough. If you can get that you'll have a government issued photo ID and you'll be set. Alternatively, we can get a provincial ID with minimum documentation, if you can't get a driver's licence. There must be some equivalent in the states.
Another option is to get someone to notorize a document and photo that says you are you. Just call a notary near you and ask how.
I would try going to the bank on my own, but I'm not allowed to leave the house alone because my parents will threaten to call the police on me because they think I'm suicidal.
That also rules out the last thing you said because even if I could get an ID through that method, I still wont be able to get a bank account.
No, I haven't talked to anyone outside of my family since I graduated high school and I have no way to contact any of my other relatives, assuming they would even help.
As for the documentation, I don't even know how to obtain some of the required documentation. For example, one of the requirements from what I've read, is two documents from different sources that are on an "acceptable document list" proving that I have a street address. I've looked at the list and it's mostly legal documents from sources that I've either never heard of or have no legal way of obtaining.
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A utility bill would be one of two I need but my parents pay the bills online, so we don't get physical bills anymore. I also haven't tried calling them because I already know that they are just going to tell me to look at their list of acceptable documents.
I've previously mentioned that I'm pretty sure I have access to my birth certificate but if you read the list of requirements on the link I gave you, you'll see that it only covers 3 of the 5 (technically 6) requirements. I do have access to my SSN card but that still leaves the fifth (and sixth) requirement unfulfilled. As for sneaking out, I tried that multiple times over the years and every time I was escorted back home in a police car before I could even get to my destination. I can't even go to the grocery store on my own without having my parents calling the police on me.
The main reason why my parents are like this, is because I was diagnosed with autism back in middle school. Ever since then, my parents (and really my entire family) have started treating me differently.
And it's like, I'm not even trying to get a job or a bank account. I'm okay with not having them, what my issue is, is that because I'm limited to using "beer money" sites and apps to be able to buy things, I'm very limited as to where and what I can buy. I used to be able to buy pretty much anything I wanted to if I put in the work but then Swagbucks changed their policy so that you now require an ID to do pretty much anything on their website. I still have access to and use InstaGC but there's only 3 websites that I use and can actually use with the gift cards they offer. I also use Bing but that's both even more limited and extremely slow to earn enough points to actually buy anything. Every other app/website I know of is either not worth using, a scam or I'm hesitant to use because I'm starting to have trust issues with these websites and apps.
And seeing that America is slowly turning into a second Nazi Germany, I'm not optimistic for the future of these websites and apps.
Here's the thing, I have no idea what my parents tell the police because, if I try to explain my situation to them, they ignore everything I say and they start speaking louder while acting like their about to pull their guns out on me. I don't know if they would try to shoot me but I'm not about to find out.
And as for my sister, I don't even talk to her anymore. It just seems like she hates me for some reason. For example, the last time I talked to her was when I asked her if I could use her old laptop because it's been sitting in the basement for several years and I don't like leaving tech unused if I know I might be able to use it. She never answered my question and just said "Why the fuck do you want that? Get out of my room.".