this post was submitted on 16 Dec 2025
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I know for a fact that this exists and even has an explanation, peer-reviewed studies and so on. But on the last few months I've felt attracted (and I mean real attraction, not just 'she's cute, she's nice, she would be a rational choice') to women just to find out later that she's already in a relationship. Of course if I don't feel I can really repurpose my feelings towards a true friendship I break contact, but this gets me thinking and looking for some explanations.

The thing is that people tend to see others already "committed" as "relationship-rated", but that didn't explained why I felt attracted before knowing it. But it seems, and there are studies that apparently support this, that people in relationships feel generally more at ease and have nothing to prove to others, and this reflects in their demeanor, body language, self-confidence, behaviour. Single people that are looking for a significant other, however, normally feel the pressure to "perform" and be desirable, therefore are sometimes perceived as nervous and excessively careful, or even as aggressive. For women, things could be worse, since we live in a profoundly aggressive society towards them, and showing openness could either mean a nice relationship, romantic or not, to being in a toxic relationship, to worse, I mean, way worse.

At least that's what I read about. Did anyone felt the same, even in same-sex interests?

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[โ€“] Dalacos@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

In my 20s I had something of the opposite and had a number of women interested in me who were themselves in relationships, while I was not. Enough of a ratio compared to women who were single who were interested in me (which was not a high number) that I started to wonder why.

I'm not particularly outgoing either. Probably just statistics/chance, but I always wondered if there was something to it I was unconsciously contributing to.