this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2025
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This is akin to the nature vs. nurture debate--that is, how much of one's personality is due to nature or to the people who raised them and the environment they grew up in? As the article I linked states, it far messier than the simple title implies.
Kids are not born as identical blank slates, they come straight into the world with their own set of personality traits that are essentially "hard wired".
So, the answer is, you do the best you can, and hope for the best. There are no guarantees that raising your kid a certain way will result in a "good" kid. And, "good" kids can come from shitty upbringings.
I have two sisters and a brother, we were all raised by the same parents in the same house, together. Our parents loved us and did their best to raise us, which was pretty damn good. However, we are all as different from each other as we could be. In the past I've described us as the four corners of a world map--which, when the corners come together, make a globe.